Finding Your Place in this World

My name is Gilbert Gadson, I currently work for Northeast Treatment Centers, I am a Peer Specialist, Residential Manager and Editor. At present my life amazes me each and every day. I am in love with what I do, I feel I am being used by a higher power to help people with the gifts that have been bestowed upon me. I find myself grateful each and every morning that I awaken to endless possibilities, however life was not always this pleasant.

When I tell people of my past they sit in amazement at the obvious transformation that has taken place. I was born In New York City in 1957. I am the youngest of six children. I never had a father. My mother is an extraordinary woman who managed to raise six children on her own. She did the very best she could with what she had. She saw talent in me at a very young age, she also saw an acute inquisitiveness that if not pointed in the right direction could lead to other things.

My mother bought me paints and easels when she saw I could draw, books when she saw my thirst for knowledge, a microscope for my unquenchable thirst for the way things worked. I was that strange kid who read encyclopedias the way other kids read comic books. My mind never stopped questioning the mysteries of life and as you can imagine this separated me from my peers. I was too serious, I asked too many questions. I sought reason when other kids simply and rightly so-just wanted to play. In my head I longed to be carefree as other children.

I became convinced that I was not normal but I told no one. I suffered in silence. As I grew I felt as if I was always alone. I agonized as to why I didn't experience the wild abandon that my peers indulged in so effortlessly and freely. I became convinced that I was a coward because I always had the capacity to think before I acted and that was no fun. As I got older I hid what I was really feeling all the time but I yearned to feel and be like everyone else. I began to hate my own intellect- often wishing for ignorance and the absence of conscience.

That is when I discovered the oblivion of drug abuse. Drug use has and is often confused with moral issues. It is my belief that there is no one who consciously decides to destroy his or her life and subsequently affect others. It is obvious to me that most people are trying to stop feeling some sort of inner pain if only for a moment at a time. Unfortunately my drug use lasted 33 years. And you can believe that it came with all the trimmings: incarceration, alienation, homelessness, separation from loved ones and a myriad of other things that a lost life brings.

I tried numerous times to stop but I never had the right tools and could not find the courage. In 1996, I came to Philadelphia not knowing what was in store for me. I actually was passing through and my brother begged me to stay. I stayed clean for a while but those old demons reappeared. In retrospect I now see that we all must pursue dreams, we have to immerse ourselves in purpose and not let our lives be simply routine and most of all we as human beings NEED challenges. We need to challenge our abilities and seek to know what we do not.

Routine, boredom, lack of spirituality and feeling out of place led me back down that spiral of drug abuse. However, Philadelphia has rapidly become the mecca for recovery. There is now a Recovery Initiative in place which has revolutionized the mental health and substance abuse community. The whole system has become peer oriented and DBH/MRS has spearheaded this effort. There are free trainings available as never before. There was a time that a person's past became a burden as to employment but now these things are part of a person's resume and the field is open. The mind set now is that who knows better than your peers as to your pain and where you have been. After reaching a point of surrender where I was so tired of my life going in circles I came to Northeast Treatment Center for help. I'm still here.

I am no longer a client, I am now their newsletter editor among other duties. In January, I will have been employed at what we call the NET for two years. I am also the editor of a publication that is sponsored by DBH/MRS called: "Expressions in Recovery". I have found my place in this world. I have come to love myself just as I am and I endeavor to share what works for me in the hope that it helps another. All these things would not be possible if not for very wonderful, dedicated people and a a most unique place called Northeast Treatment Centers where to this day I am allowed to reach for my dreams.

-Gilbert Orlando Gadson